


xviii. to the ends of the earth

by orphxus (impxria)



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: F/M, M/M, clenches fist. this mans is soft, description is from 'into the wildfire' by noor shirazie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:20:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23830696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impxria/pseuds/orphxus
Summary: [ xviii. the moon. ]( the battle scars upon your faceare so deeply engraved into your skinthat i grow terrified of creating new oneswith the words ‘are you okay?’ )
Relationships: Beelzebub (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader, Beelzebub (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 64





	xviii. to the ends of the earth

**i**. time does not bring relief; _you all have lied to me_.

what is it like, he wonders, to pick up all the pieces of a fragmented soul? to trace gold among sharp edges and mend the broken into what it once was before?

there is an ache in his bones and loneliness that seeps into his mind. it haunts him, the choices he made.

to choose a loved one over the other. 

to survive when she did not.

grief is a cruel being-- one that follows him through the ages. and in the darkness, it overwhelms him, eating away and away until he finds that there is nothing left inside a broken heart. an emptiness that he cannot fill no matter the effort; one that leaves a sense of trepidation in every waking moment and every dream he has ever dreamt in this cold house.

but perhaps this is what it is to be a demon. perhaps this is divine punishment.

( perhaps this is what he deserves, the avatar of gluttony. )

**ii**. the light in the mirror blinds your reflection ( but all you find is misery and blood on your hands )

beel misses the sunlight. he yearns for the feeling of warmth on his skin, the brightness that greeted him in the morning. a reminder of another day, another beginning. another chance.

life as a demon is filled with darkness. there is no sun, no indication of new beginnings. seldom does he find warmth here-- not until you came into his life. a human-- a walking disaster, almost, he thinks with amusement, remembering the time you and him tried to sneak luke into the house of lamentation.

you know of his story, his suffering. but he wonders if you understand the extent of it all.

you join him outside one night. he sits idly on the grass, pondering if he’ll find a shooting star tonight. there are many things he searches for, many things he wants. but few are the things he truly wishes for. he doesn’t notice the way you stare at him, your eyes studying his features intently.

there is little peace in his visage, you find, and too much regret.

“what is it you’re searching for?”

you speak in quiet tones, breaking your gaze away to look up at the sky.

there is always a warmth in your presence-- so why do your words bring a sense of panic? what is it, this anxiety that rests so heavily on his chest he wonders if he can even breathe? it feels as if a coldness has washed over his body, a blizzard that envelops him so tightly he cannot escape.

there are many constellations in the sky. he has known them, studied them, and watched them for most of his life. but the names are forgotten in this very moment, dangling on the tip of his tongue.

he cannot remember.

but your eyes meet, and his brows narrow slightly at the worry that decorates your face.

he knows what you are asking. he knows why you are asking. but he wishes for nothing more than to run away.

“i don’t know what i’m searching for.”

( he longs for peace, and he does not know it. )

**iii**. i hope you find what you’re looking for ( in this lifetime, you will. i promise. )

your eyelids are heavy with sleep, but his presence keeps you awake. beel does not want to be apart from you, he decides, pulling up a chair and sitting at the side of his bed. the other bed is off limits-- a memory of a brother he has yet to reach.

he notices you losing the battle against slumber, a smile finding its way to his lips. there is something different tonight; it feels like the walls have finally come down. there’s a strange comfort to be found in vulnerability, though uncertainty still finds its way to his heart. 

“beel?”

your voice breaks the silence after you notice him staring. there’s kindness in his eyes and a melancholy sense of hope residing in purple and pink hues.

“forgiveness.” he says. “i...think i’m searching for forgiveness.”

easier said than done. he knows that. he doesn’t know if it will be the answer to everything or if it will put a guilty heart at ease, but there’s a tangible desire for closure-- for forgiveness-- for _something_. but the right words can’t come to mind, and forgiveness is the only word that can do it justice right now.

the softness in your gaze is too much for him to bear; he scratches his head and lets out a little laugh.

“i wanted to let you know the answer, that’s all.” he says sheepishly, a tinge of pink coloring his face. “goodnight.”

he moves to get up, freezing when your hand comes from under the covers to reach out to him. you offer a faint smile, a tired one, he notes, and he cannot help but return it when he laces his fingers with yours.

“goodnight, beel.”

( he does not let go of you that night,  
and he only dreams of fond memories. )


End file.
